I knelt down at Mass this morning. I made the sign of the Cross. And, I started to pray. I do say the same prayers each morning: Morning Offering, Our Father, Hail Mary, Prayer to Saint Michael, an Act of Contrition. But throughout the day - I just talk to God The Father. Like I’d talk to my best buddy. Only I don’t edit. I just blurt through my day.
So this morning as I knelt, I began with an Act of Contrition. And then I said to God, “this just sucks. I hate it. Imagine if you were me, wouldn’t you hate she was gone?” And I remembered a lesson my Mother taught me, “Don’t just ask for things. Baby you’ve got to thank God for everything. Even the things you hate.” And so I began: (And this was important to me, so I made myself remember.)
Thank you God my Mother is dead. Now she isn’t suffering anymore. (She had a horrible death.)
Thank you God my Father is dead. He would not have wanted to live without my Mother.
Thank you God I’m sick.
Thank you God I’m sitting beside my sister Carol. I wouldn’t want to mourn alone.
Thank you God I’m a Roman Catholic.
Thank you God I’m an American.
Thank you God for my house. I’m glad I have a place to live.
Thank you God my fence is falling down.
Thank you God I can see. And hear. And taste.
Thank you God I know.
Thank you God I see where you are and what you’ve done.
Thank you God I know when I’m wrong.
Thank you God I’m not afraid anymore.
Thank you God I had someone worth missing.
Thank you God my feet hurt.
Thank you God I still have feet.
Thank you God I’m lonely.
Thank you God I know someone lives on earth besides me.
Thank you God you fixed my teeth.
Thank you God Debora’s coming home.
Thank you God I’m smart.
Thank you God I’ve never felt unloved. I’ve felt unchosen, but never unloved.
Thank you God I had parents who taught me how to behave.
Thank you God I had parents who taught me how to share.
Thank you God I had parents who taught me it wasn’t mine.
Thank you God for every spiritual and material thing you’ve ever given me.
I slid back onto the pew. And I lifted my head up and I felt grateful.