Thursday, April 1, 2010

5 Most Socially Awkward Situations For A Man

I saw an article on the internet titled: 5 Terrible Situations for the Socially Awkward Man. I read it and it prompted a velocity wave.

Most socially awkward situations can be eased by an honest response. Yet the truth will not lessen the awkwardness factor of the 5 most uncomfortable social situations. These situations are awkward because they force a man to admit or to omit. The bottom line is that they force him.

Two ground rules:

            1. All of humanity experiences the same socially awkward situation:

            The most socially awkward situation for a human being is the funeral of a loved one. It's universally awkward. No one has complete confidence how to behave in the social situation. The proper words to offer for succor seem disingenuous and affected. The proportion of allowable emotions expressed is never clearly defined. Everyone feels he offered the wrong words and expressed inappropriate emotions.

            2. There's one common thread in all socially awkward situations for men: loss. It may be the loss of the relationship, loss of his pride, or loss of his income. All socially awkward situations are awkward because each carries the threat of the lost.

            The 5 Most Socially Awkward Situations For A Man:

            1. The Win. It's socially awkward for men to consistently lose or to effortlessly win. No man is a good loser; he can be a good enough sport. He can be a good liar. But no man is a good loser. And no man is a humble winner. He can hide his pride. But winning is the second greatest emotion a man feels. Sex is the first. But in a very real way ... sex is about winning. Friendships that contain effortless wins and consistent losses will not endure.

            2. The Cock Block. A cock block is defined exactly as the words imply. A man gets in the way of his friend's game. The cock block takes two forms:

            a. A buddy interferes while his friend is trying to pick up a woman. He insults his friend out of jealousy. It happened to me last week. A man felt jealous that I received attention from a woman. So, he interrupted my conversation to insult me in her presence. The friendship did not endure. I've ended it.

            b. A friend is married/hooking up with a woman his buddy dislikes. The friendship forces him to fraternize with her. Under no circumstance is he permitted to criticize her. Ever. If he does - the friendship will not endure. A man cannot question his friend’s choice. Men choose women over friends. And that’s exactly right. Only in a film can a man interfere. A friend must suck up the social situations. The truth? The friendship won’t endure. Socializing will become infrequent until it ends. But, at least the men will part as friends.

            3. Seeing A Buddy's Game. It’s always awkward to see a man play for a woman. Male words have a different sound in perfumed ears. And if the friend’s game is ass? It’s nearly the most awkward situation for a friend. If a man really wants to pick up a woman, he goes to the bar alone. But if he is with a buddy who’s working it, he clears the space or becomes distracted by the environment.

            4. The Rooster Crow. The Rooster Crow is when an older man puts down a younger man to show he’s still in the game. He usually uses insults or feats of physical strength. The most awkward rooster crowing social situation is during physical competition. I used to frequent a college gym. Alumni were permitted to use the facilities for free. I often found myself in a locker room with retired men. These old men would do the cock walk around the periphery. Once an elderly man approached me as I sat on the bench. He was nude. He strutted up and began a conversation. That in itself is odd but not unusual. But he lifted his foot and put it on the bench near me. He wasn’t making a sexual pass. He asserted his dominance. He wanted me to know it was his gym. I looked into his eyes and said, “You want to get that thing out of my face?” He laughed and he did. The Rooster Crow is an awkward social situation when it involves a relative or a boss. The awkwardness factor is in direct proportion to the advance in age. No man wants to look like he’s belittling the elderly. Yet no man is going to tuck his pride and tolerate a swagger.

            5. Hit On By A Friend. Whether it be a female friend or - and this is more rare - a male friend, it’s socially awkward to face a friendship when the degrees of attraction and affection differ in the friendship. Contrary to the plot lines of romantic comedies, a man has no trouble avoiding his unattracted or expressing his disinterest. Yet when it occurs in the midst of a friendship, it’s awkward if he wants the friendship to endure. Yet, it won’t. The friendship will not endure.

There is one absolute truism in all male relationships: men strive to avoid the awkward and the uncomfortable. If a man finds himself in an awkward situation, he’ll exit in his most effortless way. If a man finds himself in a relationship or friendship that offers too many uncomfortable situations, he’ll exit in any way. Always.