Thursday, August 19, 2010

Three Independent Thoughts For My Morning

1. As I drove home this morning, I saw school children lining the streets waiting for the bus. I live in the heart of Saint Paul. I saw them on almost every corner. I saw children with backpacks slung over shoulders and IPODs plugging their ears. And I became so saddened. I didn’t see a single child engaged with a companion. Not one. I looked. I searched. I saw children standing uncomfortably far from each other. While in school, I stood side at side with my brother as we waited for our bus. We talked about everything. But then, he’s still my closest friend. I know him. I know everything about him. I know the things he thinks are unknown.

As a society, we now have personal computers and personal music players and yet we’re completely impersonal. People snicker at me all the time. “You know everyone!” they scoff. I know them because I speak to them. I’m open and I engage. I tell people that I am a quiet man and they laugh with their sense of absurdity. I force myself to talk. I’m ashamed of myself when I do. I force myself to listen. I’m ashamed it takes effort. I crave silence. Hey. I wanted to be a monk. That was my dream.

I saw solitary souls this morning. “We The People” is now “Me The Person.”

Jesus turn off the music/television/computer and talk with your child. No one is talking with him. They talk to him. They talk at him. But no one talks with him. Through Him, With Him, In Him. In the unity of the Holy Spirit …

2. I sat this morning and worked my financial accounts. I’m broke. On this day, August 19, 2010, I am officially bankrupt. Okay. I’ve hit the bottom. Good. Now I’ll rise. Oh for the love of God - I never give up hope. I’m perpetually hopeful. I’m full of hope. My time is at hand. The intensity of the realization and the synchronicity of my events are leaving me breathless and frightened. Yet I know that Mark R. Trost is on the rise. Count on it.

3. Anxiety is the signal that we sense injustice in our lives. It’s an inner sense that reminds us of an inequity or a problem that needs a solution. Anxiety is a gift from the conscience. It’s yourself reminding yourself about what you lack. The reason that people feel so disturbed by this gift is that it requires action. And cowardice (which often manifests into avoidance) prevents that necessary action and embraces an inert reaction. Don’t seek solace - seek solutions. Stand staid and demand dignity. Don’t seek medication - demand mediation. You get what you stand for. Well, unless you’re a martyr. And then you win what you died for.