DeFaced

A friend of mine posed this question on my Facebook wall:

Question: Do you like to debate topics just for the sake of enjoyment? And would you get upset or 'unfriend' or 'underfriend' someone if they completely disagree with your viewpoint?

Yes I like to debate. I don't know anyone who has a greater array of friends than I do. You know, I am tremendously fond of you - so I'm going to really answer this. Okay - let’s break this up into both worlds: 3D (visual) and online (virtual.) I am exactly the same man online as I am on the street. I treat everyone exactly the same.

Right now I’m in the middle of the most difficult moments in my life (so far.) I have stress that I’m partially stunned and painfully proud I’m able to endure. I can’t count the nights I swing my legs out of bed, put my feet to the floor, walk to the wall, and take the crucifix down and grasp it through my night.

My life is difficult. And yet I endure.

Now - I honestly try with my entire soul to be a good man, a good son, a good brother, and a good friend. I strive until I sweat.

I’ve recently decided that I will no longer endure the stress associated with self-seeking, self-absorbed, and self-centered people. I have eliminated them from my life. And I’ll tell you why: I have set beside beds and offered succor. I have set in booths and offered brotherly agape. I have walked beside my brethren and offered support and encouragement. And along the way I’ve shared my struggles and my sorrows. Two weeks ago I realized I had some friends who merely sucked from my strength. And I realized I had allowed strangers to snap at my pride and pull at my pain and laugh from the realization that I had allowed them that close of a proximity to my heart. Some people like to be cruel because they enjoy the reaction. I won’t give them the reaction anymore. So, I’ve eliminated them from my life.

In a virtual world - people I have met through social networking - if someone subtracts or obstructs - I unfriend them. Look at the activity I have on my Facebook wall - people like to comment and share. And by God I’m going to offer support and encouragement. But anyone who wants to use me to propagate hate or share sarcasm or promote an activity that induces fear or anxiety - they’re gone. I unfriend them.

Now specifically - last week I mentioned a television program that offended me as Roman Catholic. Anyone who reads anything I have ever written or listened to anything that I have ever said - knows that I offer complete allegiance to the Roman Catholic Church. I do not care whether others follow my faith. And that’s why I have so many genuine 3D visual (they actually see me) friends who follow so many different faiths. I don’t care what people believe. I do not demand compliance of thought. I do demand equity in respect. When I mentioned how unsettled this anti-Catholic television program made me feel - a man - a 3D friend - belittled my feelings and went so far as to propagate the program and praise it. And at that moment, I knew we could never be friends again. He doesn’t need to adhere to my Faith - yet as my friend - I demand he respect me enough to not rub my face in ridicule for his sport. So. I told him I would not be friends with him anymore.

I feel there are certain causes in a human being’s life that should be above entertainment or ridicule. I think as fellow human beings - we must take care and caution to not unsettle our brother's foundations just so that we can feel the power of reaction. Will I discuss theology? Yep. Will I listen to someone tell me I am limited or indoctrinated or ignorant? No. No one can read any word of mine and define me as limited or indoctrinated or ignorant. I don’t take the time to listen to the jabbering of jealousy. I’m too old and I haven’t enough time left to offer it for someone’s intellectual masturbation. I am not a whore.

Last week my friend Dan and I discussed the definitions of ridicule and sarcasm and humor. I tremendously enjoyed it. At the conclusion of the conversation - neither of us redefined our opinions. But we each retained the utmost respect for our friendship. Debate like that? Dandy. Yes. Please.

I have a secret weapon that everyone is surprised when I pull it from my emotional arsenal. I can walk away. And I can forget. A buddy of mine looked up from his eggs benedict a couple of weeks ago and he said, “There’s no compromising with you. That’s what nobody gets at first. You just don’t compromise.”

And I don’t.

I never underfriend - although I want to take the time to tell you how much I love that word - underfriend. I have the courage to confront. When I am angry or hurt or disgusted - I tell my associate the who, what, where, when, how, & why. I feel I am required to provide that as a participant in the relationship. So I do not underfriend.

However, I am frequently underfriended. Often people feel that my expectations supersede their enjoyment in the relationship. Yet they don’t want to end the relationship because they enjoy my access to a vast selection of people. A lot of people feel I am too popular to forsake. So, they move me to the back of their list - and usually use me and my connections to “trade up” and then sort of disappear from my surroundings. Or they treat me like their favored doll. I’m no longer their prized. I’m in the middle of a menagerie displayed on their toy chest or in their photo albums. I’m decoration; I’m collected; I’m coveted; I’m forgotten. Well, until a playmate spots me and takes me into his affection. And then the collector grasps me and surrounds me with suffocation and uses me as a shield against their sense of sharing.

This never hurts my feelings. It used to - it used to kill me. But now it occurs as often as a tongue bathes the shag of a broken tooth - at first it snags. And then one day the saliva smooths the shard to stone. Then the tongue travels without the pain of the point. I’m used to the furrow of the loss of friends. My smile is less luminous with each loss.

And I still know each time my tongue travels.

Does that mean I always offer an explanation for the ending of a friendship? No. I used to think people didn’t know that they went too far or caused too much pain. But they do. They already know. And at those times I keep my tongue in my mouth and put my palms in my pocket. And I turn my cheek and offer them the view of my ass as it walks away …