Monday, January 3, 2011

New Year's Resolution: Pixelated Reviews


Sometimes I look back because it was a lot to lose.

Sometimes I look back because there's not a lot to look forward to.

It's exhaustive.

There's a reason God put our waste behind us.


"Hey let me ask you something?"

"Wait. If we lose the connection I'm not signing back on Skype tonight. The weather here is the shits."

"Okay. Why do people go out of their way to insult me? I'm in a room with a crowd and it's like the Red Sea. The crowd parts and someone makes me the piƱata."

"Jaysus! Do you know what time it is?"

"Yeah you're 6 hours ahead. So what?"

"We'll be up all night!"

"Come on bro. Help me out here."

"They want you to hurt like they do."

"Well fuck that! Why me?"

"You're a constant reminder. Painful to be around."

"Hey! I'm a nice man!"

"No. You're not. And you're an easy target."

"Why? I don't take shit from anyone!"

"Dude, you're like the easiest handjob on the planet. A little friction and you blow. Instant reaction. Everything's immediate and real with you."

"Fuck you you bastard!"

"See? You've just proved it."


You don't ask a bankrupted man to pay a high price for friendship. He already auctioned his testicles when he picked up his phone. Regardless of the castration, they'll be so much friction from his prostrated act that the friendship won't endure. There's no foundation to foot when a man's on his knees.