Wednesday, March 28, 2018

If I Should Die Before I Wake


PVCs -  Premature Ventricular Contractions.  Too many heartbeats.  Irregular. Rapid. Random.

What do they feel like? Motion sickness. Like reading in the backseat of your dad's car. You got queasy.  Do you remember?

Congestive Heart Failure.  Too much blood.  Not enough emptying. What do you feel like?  Bloated. Like your legs will burst.  Touching them hurts. Extended. You rub your legs but it hurts when you do. But they hurt anyway. Shoes hurt. Socks hurt. Breezes hurt. Hurt.

Diuretics. Nauseating. Like motion sickness.  Like reading in the backseat of your dad's car. You got queasy.  Do you remember?

Bed spins. Like drunk. Leg cramps.  Jumping out of bed onto extended - bloated - painfilled legs.  A hangover that doesn't end. Ever.

I'm going to tell you the secret of death.

See they tell you that you're sick and you worry.  No. Not worry.  Panic.

Death.  How does that work? How can you do that?  How can you face it? How can you avoid this?

And then one day - when they don't offer solutions anymore - and they use words like "maxed out" and "maintain" and "let's go with this for a while and see what happens."

And then you worry.  No.  Not worry.  Panic.

Life. How is this going to work?  How can I do this? How can I face this as my future?  How can I avoid this?

How can I get that this is the new me?

At least death has a definite end.