Tuesday, March 6, 2018

Master View

I spent the afternoon with a friend of mine. I don’t see her very often but when I do, our conversations are intense yet not contentious. I told her about something that happened this morning. I received an email from a former high school classmate. I haven’t seen Cathy St. Martin in 35 years. We aren't friends; we weren't friends. She friended me on Facebook about 6 months ago. Since then we have never encountered in person or online. Not even “likes” on Facebook posts. Frankly I’d forgotten her existence.

Yesterday I saw her comment on a mutual friend’s Facebook post and I remembered her. And I realized that we didn't encounter. Ever. So I unfriended her. I’ll explain why. I put my ass on Facebook. I share my soul. I live unzipped and uncupped. Even online. My life isn't for public consumption. I’m not a show. The people on my Facebook list are friends. I care about them. I share my soul. Yes, I guess I am unique. My Facebook wall is not an impersonal View-Master slide show of snaps from my life.

This morning her email greeted me. It was full of vitriol. She said she hopes she sees me at a reunion someday so she can “ignore” me. Okay. Really? I went to reply. I’m not a coward. I’d explain my actions. But she has blocked me. Quick aside: there’s a flaw in Facebook. Someone can message me and I can’t reply? Anyway. Back to this afternoon’s conversation. My friend said I’m too harsh. I expect too much. I replied, “I expect reciprocity. I expect give and take.” She said that’s too much to ask. Is it? Is give and take too much to ask? I give - you take. You give - I take. Why give if you’re not going to take? Why take if I’m not going to give? Both words give take are verbs. I’m not giving up. And I’ll be Goddamned if I’m spending my life just taking up time. I’m intense. I can take it; and I can dish it out.