Tuesday, March 13, 2018

Phoning It In

I can't tell you how many times I've sat at a table with people who take pictures of their food, play games on their phones, or text someone else who's not at the table.


1. No one wants to see the food. It's not interesting even when you make it.

2. Watching someone play games is a lot like watching someone masturbate. It's more fun to participate than observe.

3. If the people you're texting are such good friends of yours, why aren't you sitting with them instead of ignoring the B Squad friends you're sitting beside?

4. Look. The wait staff doesn't want to be your friend. They don’t want to look at your pictures or wait to take your order after you finish using your phone. They want you to tip them. They've heard/seen/ignored everything you think you could share with them. I've been a waiter. Wait staff want to take your order - they do not want you to take up the time they could be earning other tips. Well, unless you intend to enlarge your tip to compensate for the tips you've jeopardized from other patrons.

Put away the phone. It's goddamned rude.