So. Today. I went to the store. 1/2 & 1/2.
Now anyone who really knows me - knows I speak with a rapidity that’s mind-boggling. Seriously. My biggest vocal problem: getting my mouth to keep up with my mind. Both MOVE. Sometimes my mouth can’t keep up.
Today I stood at the counter and the cashier started a conversation I wasn’t interested in. And she struggled for each word. No seriously. I’m thinking brain damage. (An observation. Not a joke.) But I stood there and felt so irritated. I kept thinking, “land the plane!” I wanted to take my hands and pull the words out of her face.
And then I felt so ashamed of myself. I’ve become so self-absorbed. I want everything the way I want it. When I want it. With the speed I want it. Who the hell do I think I am? So fucking blessed I’m irritated when my tastes & preferences aren’t met.
Now I’d love to say that I calmed my emotions at the counter and lovingly listened to each word the cashier said. But the truth is I stood there and thought, “omg bitch, shut up.”
I walked to my car and thought of a pet sentence my Mother said, “if that’s not a mortal sin, I’ve never seen one.”
And it was. I’ve got to become a better man.
Ukraine, Lia Thomas, Jussie Smollett, Hunter Biden, Covid. All the Twitter trendings. I can’t do a goddamned thing. It’s all fucked.
But I can be kinder, more gentle with people, and more generous with my patience. That’s my daily world. That I can control.