Tuesday, July 23, 2019


I‘m on the porch and getting ready for a brandy/bullshit. But i wanted to get something out of me. One topic - two waves. I should write this with a heavy edit but truth be told ... why? Im telling you like we‘re on my porch. Yesterday I saw a man. 20s. Above average looking. Well-dressed. He was in a professional setting. He saw someone he knew, grinned, and waved hello. The odd part? He waved like a boy. Not like a teenager: all limbs and gangle and jerks. Like a boy: free and fluid. Now Im not belittling him. I loved his enthusiasm. But it got me thinking: at which age does a boy become a man? I know it‘s not on the advent of secondary sexual characteristics. Hair doesn‘t mean manhood. 

Second wave same topic: I rode my bicycle today. I’ve amassed over 7030 miles. Today I biked through tangletown. It’s a wooded area with winding streets in Saint Paul. I needed to turn on my bike lights. To do that, I had to take one hand off the handlebars. I panicked. I‘ve just started biking again and I lacked the confidence. I had to decide to control my emotions or risk an accident. In my head the question came up: what’s a man? Now I took my hand off the right handlebar and switched on the light. That doesn’t mean I‘m a man, that means I‘m Irish. I hate weak. I spent the rest of my ride thinking about boy/man.

I‘ll begin by stating the transition has nothing to do with sex. A man isn’t merely the master of his member. Yes, one day he learns how to control a splatter until it’s a stream. But manhood isn’t about sex. The ability to mate is mere biology.

So, my answer: a boy becomes a man when he can discern the difference between losing and loss. See a boy knows “mine.” He learns ”us.” Usually through sports. But those are heart decisions. His emotions make his decisions. But he becomes a man when he realizes risk. He knows his decision risks loss. And when he makes that decision of a principle over a priority, he’s a man. But that’s a brain decision. I‘m not saying a man isn’t motivated by emotions. He is. But he streamlines his emotions. He doesn’t splatter his decisions.

I‘m an emotional man. Clearly. Anyone who’s read me, knows that. But my decisions are cerebral, not emotional. Chest hair be damned. I became a man at 23.

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