Wednesday, May 27, 2020

A Cop Out

My Father Mac Trost
My Father was a policeman. My three uncles were policemen. I was raised with the words “The Force.” Capital letters.

I watched the video of Derek Chauvin and George Floyd and I saw a murder.

It takes a certain amount of bravado to walk into potential danger. It takes self-confidence that you’ll do the right thing at the right time. And it takes a confidence that one can instantly discern proportion. Sometimes that confidence is earned through experience. And that’s wisdom. But sometimes that confidence is fueled by adrenaline. A purely biological reaction to an action.

I watched that video. I saw a man who had enough. He was full. Full of disgust. Full of hate. Full of frustration. Full of exhaustion. Full of being ridiculed. He was full. A man made impotent by a society that said he no longer had value.

Well, a man can be impotent, but there is still going to be release. And while I watched that video, I saw a man who forced his release. Because he was full. So much friction and he was full. The saddest aspect: he didn’t care the who. He cared getting the out. And so he put his hands in his pockets and he spewed.

And he murdered.

The other policemen: they saw a man who was full of experience and they didn’t have the self-confidence to intercede. Because they’re full too. And one thing they’re full of: a sense of brotherhood. A sense of US against all.

And so they murdered too. They murdered their immortal souls. They murdered their pride. They murdered their self-respect. They murdered their careers. They murdered their families’ pride. And they’ve murdered confidence in their profession.

Think of that word profession. The action of professed vows. Professed oaths. All gone.

Now, as a Roman Catholic I’ve witnessed the destruction of a profession as priesthood was decimated by a few who murdered hope and faith and confidence in humanity and a Deity.

And I still believe. I still believe in priesthood and policemen and the flag and the constitution.

But, I only have faith in God.

Saturday, May 23, 2020


My parish priest sat outside on a chair. He wore a mask. Fellow parishioners were paced at least 6 feet apart down the sidewalk. Signs state there is a priest available if someone needs him. The signs were paced down the sidewalk too. When I saw the line - I didn’t count how many people because I was in a car - I started to cry. I noticed the rain stream down my windshield as a tear trickled down my cheek.

Last year on this date I sat in an emergency room with my friend Wendy. She sat with me while I waited to be admitted. She sat with me for hours. I spent Memorial Day weekend with an IV in my arm in a hospital holding hope the antibiotic would curb the infection and save a portion of my foot.

I thought about that when I woke this morning. I thought about that when I saw the priest and the penitents this morning.

One year.

Friday, May 22, 2020

One Against Many

One may oppose an ideology without being racist. It’s our moral responsibility to stand against those who persecute citizens in the name of economic or ideologic propagation.

History does repeat itself when there are only 7 unjust acts a human may commit against another human. We’re watching an echo of the autumn of 1936 / spring of 1937.

Monday, May 18, 2020

You've Gone Mad

I don’t do your angry. If you feel frustrated by your sense of injustice, rethink what it is you feel you’ve been denied. Frankly, I don’t know anyone in my circle or even their circles who’s personally faced injustice. We’re living in luxury you clueless miscreants. Anyone with a head knows that. And that’s why those who’ve been genuinely persecuted are incessantly toiling for our shores. Your sense of outrage nauseates me.

Friday, May 01, 2020

No One's Dummy

As I shuffle through the catalogue of my work, I realized I've written 1,505 works that are merely velocity waves of stuffs I'd thought about. That's a lot of work for essentially nothing. Just thoughts I've had and fleshed into blurts. While I tried to rest today, I've considered that ballsy sin of self-absorbtion. That's a lot of sold pride and wasted effort for something that's virtually unread. But I'm not ashamed.

Writing is how I work through my thoughts so I can form prudent opinions. I've lived an examined life. And I've realized I'm grateful I didn't just coast through my life with society's fist shoved up my ass as it thrusted the party line through my lips.

Wednesday, April 22, 2020

Share And Share Alike

I know social justice is the spine of any civilized society. One word sums up social justice. One word sums up the entire concept. And that word: share.

Heart Attack

Yes. I am sentimental. What I am not: single-minded. I know the human heart has more than a single function. The purpose of a heart is greater than a mere pump of blood.